Woe Is Me
by ICanHazCheeseBurgerRawr
Summary: Riku, the highschool hottie, and Sora, the most adorable thing ever, end up taking homeroom together. Psh! Nothing romantic could happen right? Wrong. T for romance. SoraxRiku!
1. The New Kid Smells Like Strawberries

**Me: SoraRiku is like teh pudding on mah strawberreh.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned KH, Riku would be a magical unicorn, and Sora would be a rainbow, and they'd love eachother, and make sparkle babies, but I dun' so right now Riku will be a bipolar teenager and Sora will be Sora, mk? :D**

**Enjoy, guise.**

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Highschool. SUCKS.

All the bratty girls, chatting on cellphones, not to mention their horrible grammar, and lack of brain cells. The bullies, that pick on small kids, usually with glasses. The nerds, that snort. The pyromaniacs, that smoke like there is no tomorrow. And the emo bookworms, that carry books the size of a thousand pound dictionary.

Yep, that sums up highschool for you. Especially mine. I have friends, I am popular, but of course that didn't happen by luck. Apparently, I am the hottest boy ever, athletic, smart, skinny, a goody two shoes, and 'uber kawaii desu', whatever that means. Who names a word after a fruit anyway? I know, fangirls, that's who.

When I say bullies I mean THOUSANDS! We had that many bullies at our school.

Hayner, for example. Hayner was horrible at comebacks, like a bully, Hayner would beat up kids, like a bully, Hayner had a posse, like a bully, and Hayner had the same exact hairstyle, as a bully. He even used the same hairgel!

Thus, Hayner was a bully.

We had a new kid coming today and I was pretty sure Hayner would be the first person to bully him, well, can't stop the stupid.

Poor, new kid. I hope Hayner doesn't do what he did to that last person. What was his name Zexion? Oh well, the dude was emo anyway, no harm done.

Everyone was just sitting down chatting with friends, that is until the door opened slowly and a short brunette boy emerged from it.

The boy was HOT. He was wearing baggy jeans, and some strange shirt, with yellow shoes. He had dark blue eyes, and strangely he actually seemed kind of bubbly.

Last time I checked nobody was ever happy when they first started their first year of highschool. They either pretended to be emo for attention, or were emo. Or they were just plain stupid.

I blocked out everything everyone was saying and turned to the window. I'm pretty sure I missed the teacher say his name. Good, I didn't need to know.

My attention turned back to him however, when he skipped towards the desk next to me and sat down.

Well, Riku.

Either this is going to be a completly horrible year, or you're actually going to get a true friend.

Ah, well. I can only hope.

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**Me: I know it's short! D: I'm just trying to start the story I swear! D:**


	2. Stalker Riku

**Me: Everytime I say I don't own Kingdom Hearts, part of Justin Bieber dies.**

**I DON'T OWN KH.**

**I DON'T OWN KH.**

**I DON'T OWN KH.**

**I DON'T OWWWNNN KHHHH!**

**Thank you.**

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Second day of school for the new kid. He didn't talk to me yesterday, what a shame. Oh well, I can fix that. He probably is some spoiled rich brat but hey, if I get him I get everything!

I boinged out of bed, and quickly slipped on some baggy jeans, and a yellow vest, climbed down the stairs, stole a poptart, slipped on some awesome shoes, and guess what?

I freaking rocketed out of the house.

Mhm, and mom said I could never make track. In your face mom! Although, I do feel kind of stalkerish, I mean, I am going to be stalking him sort of right? Screw my teenager hormones, screw it all.

Y'know sometimes, when you have love at first sight? Mhm, yeah. That is me. Because guess what, the kid came right up to mean when I got to school. I'm so cool. Of course, he had his hair spiked up, and his normal outfit on. It was strange though because he reminded me of some other kid in our class.

Oh well, they can bot- nevermind there is a very tall redhead next to the other guy, and I don't want to mess with that. I'll just stick with this kid. Because I don't want to get pumbled. Yes, pumbled. Me and Kairi made that word up. Steal it and you die.

I was about to say something, but he spoke first.

"Why's your hair white?"

I would savior that question in the back of my mind for thousands of years. Even in heaven. His first question was about my hair! Squee! Although, this is Riku at school, Riku at school has to act like he doesn't care.

"Why does it matter, shrimp?" I rose a brow, staring at the kid. He just shrugged his shoulders and walked off.

Screw. This. Gah.

Just then all of my 'fans' came and started hugging me, I swear. If there was another world and someone dressed up as me, and looked just like me, they'd probably get tackle glomped.

It's a scary experience to see rapid fangirls drool right by your face and touch you in the no-no spots. But I'm pro at this so of course...

I replied like an idiot.

"Hello, sexies."

OH DEAR GOD! I CAN'T BREATHE!

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Okay, I finally made it out of that hellhole, and I'm heading to homeroom. The other hellhole. You see, we got a new teacher. And...well here's how it went the whole class.

"RENO STOP STICKING PENCILS UP YOUR NOSE!"

"DEMYX STOP SINGING!"

"AXEL! STOP KISSING ROXAS!"

"Riku. *wink*"

"DETENTION AXEL!"

Mhm, that's right, my teacher likes me.

Well. What's even worse.

She's fat.

She's ugly.

She has ugly hair.

Ugly eyes.

And she's wearing a thong.

Mhm, desperate isn't she?

The new kid looked kind of disgusted when she leaned over to grab something. I don't blame him.

"Sora? DETENTION! DON'T EVER GIVE YOUR TEACHERS THAT LOOK!" Oh that is it, she's going to die, and burn in the deepest hell, I'll make sure of it.

You can screw with me, you can screw with Axel, you can tell Demyx to stop singing, BUT NO. DO NOT EVER MESS WITH MY BRUNETTE! Man, I sound like a punk. Anyway, time to save Bruno. (Lulz.)

"Hey. He didn't do anything wrong, cut him some slack. He was probably puking in the inside because guess what? Nobody wears white thongs." I glared at the mnikhdfgfdhiohgfdgvfd because she was a mnikhdfgfdhiohgfdgvfd (That took me forever to type.)

"YOU TO RIKU! BOTH OF YOU DETENTION!" Why that fat ugl-.

"Fine." Bruno walked off, heading towards the principal's office, as for me. I tagged along, because that's what stalkers do.

Heck, maybe Bruno could describe what really happened. And then maybe we can get her fired, because she sucks.

"Riku, nice to see you again. Sora...why are you here?" The principal did that evil hand thing where he glared right at you, and put his chin on his hands.

Wait. His name is Sora? As in sky. ! ON A BARBIE!

Hot.

"W-well! You see our new teacher accused me of giving her a nasty look! A-and Riku was just trying to help! A-and! Sorry." Bruno hung his head down low. Awww...he was stuttering! Even if he was sad.

"Psh, fine get out." He waved us out, but motioned for me to stay. Right when Sora closed the door he began talking.

"Riku, I believe you want to become friends with him right? Please do, he has some family troubles." As if to prove his point the principal nodded.

I just nodded and walked out.

Ah, Riku.

You're going to have a good Senior year.

And you're going to make sure of it.

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**I wish Riku would stalk me.**


	3. Latin & French

**Me: BWAHAHAHA! Chapter 3, this one is not short. :D**

**Disclaimer: Disney has certain reasons for me not owning KH. So that's why I don't.**

**Enjooooy!~**

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Strange encounter with the principal, but I do want to know Sora's family troubles. I think I may have a slight clue, but I'll figure out sooner or later. I walked out of the principal's office, and blinked.

_'I have to go back to homeroom, I think I'll just skip.'_

It was the best thing to do really, unless I wanted to get raped by an ugly teacher in a white thong. Trust me, it's happened b- too much information. I sighed, and dashed towards the door before clashing into a figure.

_Sora._

Did he want to skip to? My, my, what a bad boy. I swear, he should go to detention everyday.

"S-sorry," he began, "i-it's just that I-uh..." Did I make you lose your words? I have that kind of affect on people.

"Skipping school?" I asked casually, I mean really, it's quite obvious. I mean come on, he looked like he was practically running out of the school as if someone planned to blow it up, strange.

"What? No! I have a meeting with my family, and I don't think the teacher would understand..." 'Nough said, Riku has prossesed the data. But honestly.

What. Kind. Of. Family. TROUBLES?

It's agrivating now. First step to Sora: Figure out those family troubles. If I have to spy on him I will! I mean it, I've done it before. But...I don't think that's the same kind of spying.

Wink. Wink.

"Mhm, I see," I raised up my arms, "of course your family would let you skip school just to talk to you." I said in a much too sarcastic way, even Sora had to see that I was kidding.

"Yeah! You're getting it!" He clapped in a way too _I did believe you_, kind of way.

Really, Sora?

"I am so not dead serious." Came my monotone responce, I think I shattered his heart. Watch out Sora, I'm going to shatter it, ALOT.

Many times.

"B-but! You said it so-..." He can't find the word. Is this kid foreign?

"Sarcastically, Sora. Sarcastically." Sarcasm, sarcasm.

Freaking sarcasm. And if you take away those words and add the words next to them.

DSTVS,

Sounds like a disease.

DSTVS: Deranged Social TV Shows.

Good name.

(TIME FOR GOOGLE TRANSLATOR PEOPLE!)

"Sed, at dixisti quod dixisti dixisti ita dixisti forte ita." I see so he's Latin! Strange.

"Ego numquam I voluisse fate numquam I voluisse enim fate numquam ad I voluisse enim exire I voluisse enim exire ita." I replied.

(Okay guys, I have no clue if I said that right, I'm not even Latin.)

"Not too bad." Sora rose a brow. I got his attention yay! Truth is I had no clue what I just said.

"I've been taking Latin for five years."

Great, Riku.

You liar.

YOU.

FREAKING.

LIAR.

Truth be told, I'm not Latin.

...

I'm French.

"Oy, do you speak french, Bruno?" I pointed at him, glaring. If he didn't speak French then someone died.

(My little accent key is not working, if you're French just imagine the accent marks this, luckily I am French. :D)

"Bien sur, je ne."

THANK.

THE.

LORDS.

Nobody dies today.

"Sweet." Came my reply, although in the inside I was squealing like a fangirl. I think I'm becoming one. Mom always told me I could pass of for a girl if I tried.

"Hey, Riku, il a ete? Nous avons un devoir d'anglais, peut vous aider?" Help him with an English assigment?

Once again.

THANK.

THE.

LORDS!

(Preview of the next chapter. :D)

_"R-riku!"_

_"What?"_

_"Stop it!"_

_"Why?"_

I know what you're thinking.

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**Me: HAHA, I AM SO FRENCH! KDFJGJFDG!**


	4. English Assigment

**Me: I am the typing master, believe it.**

**Disclaimer: I dun' own KH. I MEAN IT.**

**GEEZUS.**

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After walking home, and skipping school, I awaited this Saturday. The day when I got to help Sora on an English assigment. It was going to be fun. And maybe I could figure out what the hell was wrong with his family. Lets face it, I really wanted to know.

I.

REALLY.

WANTED.

TO.

KNOW.

I need to stop doing that, it scares me.

I stepped inside my huge house, which luckily nobody was occupying, and zipped up towards my room, before slipping off my shoes, and fangirling in the bed- woah, that came out strange. What I meant was: I snuggled into the bed and screamed.

You dirty perverts. But then again...

Who isn't? Heck, even the principal is a pervert.

I saw him spying on to girls, and purposefully he put up a fan right next to their skirts. I'm pretty sure he had a nosebleed. Wait, Riku, wait. Those are not the matters at hand, the matters at hand are getting through the rest of the day and then Sora's house, which I really wanted to go to so I'll shut up and go to sleep.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Oh my gosh, it's Saturday. Start the following list NOW:

Get up.

Squeal.

Brush your teeth.

Polish your teeth.

Wash your lips.

Change into your normal attire.

Go downstairs.

Eat breakfast, make sure it's healthy.

Wait five hours for Sora to call yo- FIVE HOURS?

Wait, it's only five in the morning.

GOD.

DAMNIT.

I mean it. SCREW THIS! Do the following:

Clean up breakfast.

Wash the dishes.

Change out of clothes.

Go back to sleep.

Wait for ten.

I'm so pro.

OoOoOoOoOoO

I got the message, time to repeat the actions before the actions above. Whatever I just said, he told me his address (I'm not saying it incase it's a real one.) It's called.

"**** ******** St."

I zoomed over there.

Like literally.

No car, nothing.

Just me and my fast legs.

And when I got there I figured out Sora was the richest person on the planet.

"Come in! Come in!" He led me inside, only to see me gawk some more.

Freaking rich French people.

"Wow, Sora. You're...rich." I complemented? Is that a complement?

"Not really." LIES.

"Well, lets get started shall we?" He nodded.

"Sure."

OoOoOoOoO

This is a little bit of how the assigment went.

"R-riku!"

"What?"

"Stop it!"

"Why?"

"IT DOESN'T GO THERE!"

"It doesn't?"

"No, you don't put the tape ontop."

"Ooohhh."

"Mhm."

"Thanks!"

"Okay..."

"DONE! Yaaaay!"

You sick, sick, sick, minded people. I had so much fun typing this. xD

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**Me: Awesome!**

**Kool Aid Man: OH YEAH!**


	5. Curse You Hayner, Repent

**Me: Heheh! I HAVE WRITTEN A NEW CHAPTER! AND GUESS WHAT.**

**Warning: We may get some romance, but not smut, just FLUFFY LOVE!**

**Disclaimer: KH is the chocolate syrup on my icecream cone, and I love disney so much, they but a restrainment on me, and I can't own KH, so I don't own KH.**

**LETS GO! *Points to sky!***

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He got an A+. Go Riku! Your first official friendship! Bescides, Kairi! Heh.

He was cute when he thought I was going to rape him! That comes later, Sora! I was just trying to tape the stickers on- wait, why did I need to tape...

Stickers?

What the hell?

Oh wait.

He's foreign.

So that's okay.

"Rikuuuuu!" Oh look! Chibi's here now!

"Mhm?" I rose a brow, he was wearing a blue hoody, and carrying what looked like...cookies?

"I got cookies! See! Hayner gave them to me an-."

Snatch. Munch. Spit.

"Sora, why the hell did you except a gift from Hayner? It takes like posio-, GOD!"

"Riku?"

"HAAAAYNER!"

Sadly, I had to skip the rest of school that day, but luckily, guess who got to take care of me!

Mhm.

Sora.

It was funny because he had no clue what he was doing. First he put a warm rag on me, then he threw covers on me, and he tried to see if I was still breathing. I'm not dead, Sora. I'm only slightly heartbroken, and angered, and need to punch something.

I swear when I got back to schoo-.

Cough.

Ha, he fell on me-.

SWEET MOTHER NIBBLETS AND HOLY CHEESEBALLS!

"RIKU! GET YOUR *********! WE'RE LEAVING!"

"NO MOM!"

"RIKU!"

"NO!"

Such great parents, too bad I'm occupied.

Wink.

Wink.

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**Me: S-so...short! I'M SORRY!**


	6. Kissing Bruno

**Me: I had serious writer's block, like...serious. But, here comes your long awaited chapter, and your spiceh romance. Okay, it's not really spiceh yet, it's actually just fluffy. But, none the less it is romance.**

**Disclaimer: As much as I love all the smex, gay moments, and Kairi's panties, I do not own KH. D:**

**Don't bash on me, bro! :**

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Okay, so the last time I remember seeing Sora, has been what, forever? Okay, actually it was just like a week ago. And apparently he needs a place to stay, sooo...

Mhm, it's my place. I better take down my posters of him- you didn't know I had those? Don't speak of them, girls. I'll love you eternally if you do.

Anyway, he's coming later, and...well...it ought to be fun. But, my insane mother is here, no really. She's insane. She's one of those really over-protective mothers, but with a bit of a twist.

"Riku! Do you want turtles with your fries?" Yeah...we have our own secret language. See, turtle means hotdog, and fries mean, well fries. I don't know but I think I we came up with that when I was like five, and dad was still alive.

I hated my dad. He cheated on my mother. Hit me. Died of a heartattack, god knows where that came from. But, yeah, that was the story of my father. Even sadder, he used to love my mother, until he met, Linda Power.

Linda was a monster, she moved in with my mother, with dad, and guess what? My mom didn't have any choice, she had to, or else my father would beat her.

Linda would hit me to, but she was killed soon after, by my father.

I guess it was some sick love game, I never really figured it out, but anyway, back to Sora. He's coming in once again, five hours. I can wait. No really I can wait.

(_Five minutes later_)

Mhm, I got this, he'll be coming before I know it.

_(Ten minutes later.)_

He must be late, I'll just lay on my bed.

_(Fifteen minutes later.)_

Maybe, he's in the shower.

_(20 MINUTES LATER.)_

GODAMNIT!

Well, isn't this great? I have to wait. For...four and a half hours. What should I do? Hmmm, I know! Anime.

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The doorbell rang! What else to do? Open it.

"Hi, Riku!"

He...hugged me...he...

I immediantely got out my phone, and text messaged Kairi.

_'OMFG, HE EFFING HUGGED ME! SQUEE!~'_

_'Keep going, Ri! You'll get him in no time! Which reminds me, what are you going to do about your current girlfriend?'_

_'I can always dump, Larxene, she's an idiot anyway, and I'm pretty sure I'm gay. I only used her.'_

_'Fine, Riku. Just, try not to get Sora into this.'_

_'What, it's not like Larxene would come at him, she's too much of an idiot to realize that I love the dude.' _It was true, Larxene was an idiot.

"Um, Riku? Is everything okay?" He rose a brow at me, poking me. I blushed a little, before nodding, and taking his stuff, silently, up the stairs. Why was I blushing? I'm pro at this.

(A.N: BECAUSE YOU'RE IN LOVE, DAMNIT!)

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On my way towards my room, well, I accidently tripped, and...come on it wasn't even up the stairs. Not only did I fall on Sora's bag, but Sora fell on me, what else did I do?

Well, of course.

...

...

...

...

This is getting weird so I'll tell you.

I kissed, Bruno!

_'You go, Riku!'_

_'I'm so pimp.'_

_'Mhm, riiiight. You got denied by Namine last year.'_

_'She was a ditz anyway.'_

Weird thing was...he kissed back.

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**I just realized something, xD I make people accidently kiss way too much.**

**Oh well, review! :D Please? Maybe? 'Kay.**


	7. Confessing

**Me: Lolz, writers block. I hate it.**

**Disclaimer: *HISS* I DON'T. OWN. KH.**

**Note: Lol, fluff.**

**Warning: Yaoi.**

**Mk.**

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Well, let me get this straight. I was kissing Sora...and he was kissing back? Weird. Well, not weird. Actually, it was a dream come true, but still. I didn't know Sora had the guts. (A.N: WHEN SORA GOES SEME. For awhile.)

I am so glad my mother left, no seriously. She doesn't even know I'm gay, and telling her should be adventurous.

Now, that I think about it, I'm probably choking him.

We both pulled back and just stared at eachother, before I casually got up and resumed putting his suitcase down on the ground. He was still on the ground staring. Ha. Ha.

The ramen in the fridge $5.00

Our sofa $500.

Sora's face right now Priceless.

His face was literally O-shaped. Must've been his first kiss. I wonder what happens when his dog humps him. Yeah, he has a dog. His name is Bullet. He's a cute dog, yes his is, yes he is.

Why do people talk to their dogs like that, anyway? I mean, what's the difference between speaking normally, and acting as if their the most precious thing on Earth? Do lovers use that voice with eachother? That's so not attractive. Well, I don't know if you think patting your lovers head and having your lover drool on you is hot, so be it.

Anyway, back to the matter at hand.

Sora finally got words to come out of his mouth, yay! All we need is for him to get his surprised ass up. I don't care if the Queen just gave him an letter saying that Riku was the hottest thing ever, he needs to get up so my mom doesn't walk in and see Sora laying on the ground.

Because my mother is not like other mothers.

She's a perverted mother.

An will assume anything. No, seriously, I invited Kairi over once and we were playing video games, she thought that I was banging her. Psh, riiiiighht.

"Y-you...kissed me..." No shi-, oh wait, Sora's here. No...duh? Yeah that should work. Because let's face it, Sora acts like a kid even though he only one year younger then me.

"Mhm." I nodded, looking at him for a brief moment, before finishing whatever I was doing.

"Why?" He gave me an akward glance, and he actually looked rather nervous for a moment. Poor, poor, Sora. Unsure if you are gay or not. Seriously.

"Well. Let's see. I tripped. You tripped. We kissed." I shrugged turning around to see his face, and erm, once again it was priceless. He blinked. And then he blinked again.

"Why did I kiss back?" He blurted out. I immediantely rolled on the floor laughing at that. He didn't mean to even say it. And he looked extremely embarrassed.

Serious.

Turn-on.

Just, saying.

The door opened, and out came my mother.

I blinked, and stood up, walking down the stairs, and poking her.

"Hiiiiiii! Rikuuuu!" She hugged me, okay, well she pratically squeezed me to death.

"Hey mom, I'm gay."

"THAT'S OKAY!"

What the hell?

Okay, my mom is insane, and I think this moment just proved it.

Oooo! Ramen!

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**Me: :DDDDD**


End file.
